


Seeker

by Frasers_soulmate



Category: due South
Genre: Character Study, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-11 08:52:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10460835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frasers_soulmate/pseuds/Frasers_soulmate
Summary: An explanation why Fraser choose to go with Victoria....or why it's sometimes easier to go the hard way.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Actually this was a comment on a post in the facebook Due South group. I liked this comment, so I thought of turning it into a fic...well, kinda.

Fraser was going with Victoria because he thought he loved her.  
He loved her for ten years.  
And he felt guilty to put her in prison ten years back.  
He swore to himself that he would wait for her.  
Because when Fraser love someone, he does it wholeheartedly.  
He so desperately wanted this second chance he never got.  
He never had thought of his loneliness until she came back.  
Every person needs a little love now and then and Fraser didn't had much of it in his past.  
So he waited for the day Victoria would come back.  
He never really expected to see her again but the hope was strong.  
He promised himself to wait.  
That also could be the reason why he didn't care about the offer of other women.  
He could have every woman in the greater Chicago area.  
And maybe a lot of men too, but he did nothing to find someone even if he was so lonely.  
He never felt his loneliness when he was in Canada.  
Because he knew nothing else then a solitary life.  
And when you're in the woods or another great landscape you don't feel alone, even if you are.  
But when you're suddenly in a big crowded city, you feel that there are thousands of people but nobody is there for YOU.  
So you start to help others, no matter what, only so that you were noticed by others. And when they are grateful for what you have done for them, you'll see it as a miracle, because someone noticed you are there.  
And when someone give you a hug or any other human touch for what you're not prepared, you're surprised at first.  
Then you suck it in like a sponge and save it for later.  
For the times when you're alone again and needed it.  
(In dS you see it in the scene in " Mountie sings the blues", when Tracy Jenkins gave him the kiss on the cheek).

And when Victoria came back, unexpected, Fraser thought she was looking for him because she forgave him and loved him.  
He never expected that the only reason she was there was revenge.  
He never had such thoughts.  
He always believed in the good in people.  
But when you always see the good in people it's easier for them to hurt you.  
But you don't really realize that.  
You just don't believe it, until it happens to you.  
Fraser longed for love so much that he never thought of the possibility this love could be false.  
The only real love he ever got was from his mother.  
So he just knows true love.  
I call it "white" love.  
Victoria loved him her own way, but it was "black" love and Fraser is a "white" person.  
When you're got the last love in your life when you are 6, you're desperately looking for someone who may love you.  
Even if it's a dark love.

That's his weak spot, and she knew that. That was the spot she could hurt him.

And she did.

When he recognized that he almost caused a disaster to his friends (to his life too, but that doesn't matter to him), he was angry with himself (Letting Go).  
When RayV offered to rebuild the cabin, Fraser was grateful for it.  
It means that Ray still wanted to be his friend and that he has forgiven him.  
(The "two axes" scene)  
Fraser wanted to be "two", whole, another half of a soul...  
But he didn't know that some people aren't made for it.

The meaning of life is to find the other half of your soul.  
But sometimes there are three "halves". When two of them are connected, the third one is alone. 

I call them seeker.

Fraser is a seeker (and so am I).  
And he know he'll never find the half of the soul that fits his own. But he tried. Not obviously, but when he feels there's a lonely half, he tries to fit it.  
But mostly it doesn't fit. He doesn't do it for himself but for the other "lonely soul" because he know very well how it feels to be a seeker.

In this explanation is a lot of my own experience and that's why I choose the nickname "Fraser's soulmate".

TYK


End file.
